My Foe is Fat

My Foe is Fat

Fat

There were many times in my life when I’ve felt like I’ve reached rock-bottom. There was the time in my twenties when going out to the dance clubs feeling like a piece of plain hamburger instead of filet mignon when a guy approaches from across the room, heading in your direction (or so it looks like to you), only to see him approach the girl NEXT to you wearing the skirt cut-up to her hee-hah leaving little to feed the imagination, while you’re left to slink off further into the darkness of the club hoping no one saw that fleeting look of expectation on your face, that was quickly replaced by disappointment.

Or the time I had my favorite yellow tank-tube dress with the jacket that had small black geese flying on it (y’all know I’m going way back to the 80’s now), with my clog wedge shoes, and as I descended the “el” stop, (elevated subway for those proper folk) my shoe got caught on one of the steps and all I could do was titter-totter gripping the banister, as gravity had its’ way with me and I toppled down to the first landing. To add insult to insult, the elastic broke on the top part of my dress and thank goodness it had a jacket otherwise everyone standing over me would have seen my goodies! Anyway, as anyone has, I have had my moments of embarrassing situations, most of which did not allow any element of discretion.

But this, this was one for the record.

There. I finally found the cord to turn the light on so I can stop squinting in the dark, hoping I can read my writing. I greet you from the closet of my bedroom, where I have been secretly and guiltily nibbling away at a chocolate bar I confiscated from the kitchen pantry, unbeknownst to my husband or son. Now before you go judging me understand, I have never, ever done this before.

Ok. Except for the time my sisters and I were fighting over the largest piece of the candy my mother had cut, because for those of you with kids, you know in that sort of situation you dare not give out anything but the most equal, most exact, same size piece to each child. Otherwise, you have a problem. Yes, I do recall snatching up the largest piece and running to lock myself into the bathroom, while I choked it down. But was it my fault they were not as quick as I was, nor as clever? I think not. Come on, I was only eleven. It was well worth the spanking I got for that behavior later. But now, in my early fifties, I was supposed to be beyond such infantile, juvenile, childish behavior. Right? Right. Yet somehow here I was hiding my obvious affection for chocolate from their accusing eyes. I wasn’t always like this. Really.

When I met my husband Ken 16 years ago, I was no more than 140 lbs, tops. The most I weighed after was when I was pregnant with our son, at 179 lbs. I got down to 160 lbs. after childbirth and managed to keep my weight around there until about 5 years ago. It slowly, sneakily, started creeping up; very subtle so much so that I didn’t realize it was as much of a problem as it turns out to be until now. I’m at 173 lbs. Since I am height-challenged, (I stand 5’3), any extra weight on me makes me look even heavier.

Of course my husband does his best to make me feel good about myself, “I like my woman cute in the face and thick in the waist”, he says. Nice to hear and we both chuckle when he says it, but I don’t feel like me anymore. I hate to say it but I used to have a certain amount of pride in my ability to manage my weight with exercise and not overindulging, but somewhere along the line between working from home, and having a 16-year-old that is a snack eating machine around, the train ran off the tracks. We have gotten to where we order pizza every weekend, practically! And I should take out some stock in Jack in the Box because we order from there at least twice a week.
I know I have picked up some really unhealthy habits such as eating dinner in front of the tv, (my husband’s habit which I am now part owner of), eating desert after dinner every night (don’t really know who started it but I suspect it was Tre’ our son), and the list goes on..

According to the Center for Disease Control’s (CDC) website, more than one-third of U.S. adults (35.7%) are obese, and approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese. So chances are either you, or someone you know, also is struggling with losing weight. The weight-loss industry is a billion dollar industry, so we know people are trying to gain the upper hand in this fight against fat.

My husband and I have vowed to lose the weight and get back in shape by this summer, the end of June. We have to motivate one another, and take advantage of the free gyms that we have access to as a part of the amenities that come with where we live. But honestly it doesn’t take a lot of money to lose weight. All it takes is to get moving, at least 30 minute’s a day, and portion control, along with choosing healthier foods to eat. The hardest part for me, and truthfully something I’ve always struggled with, is to maintain consistent follow thru.

So, hold me to this vow; I need you to help keep me accountable. I am tired of not having the energy to do the things I enjoy, dressing in the clothes that are hanging in my closet still with tags on them because they are too small now but I stubbornly refuse to discard them like a pit bull refusing to release a bone because I will wear them, and hiding out in my closet to avoid having to admit my willpower needs some work.

For the moment though, I’m going to turn off this light, and finish this candy bar. In the dark. Seriously, I am starting tomorrow. It is too late in the day, and I only have one square of chocolate left. Let me enjoy it without judgment. (The light goes off.)

Blog By LaVerne Collins

Image courtesy of ChristophFlickr License

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