Sad Day for the Women of the World

Today, September 27th, 2014, George Clooney completed wedding vows to Amal Alamuddin in Venice Italy. He is no longer an eligible bachelor. It is a sad day for millions of women around the world. The tears of hopeful womenfolk  will make the oceans rise.

Clooney alerted the world on September 7th to the impending nuptials when he announced at a charity event in Florence:” I met my lovely bride-to-be here in Italy, whom I will be marrying in a couple of weeks, in Venice, of all places.” He added, “I would just like to say to my bride-to-be, Amal, that I love you very much and I can’t wait to be your husband.”

I’m sorry Clooney worshippers, it happened. But don’t be too sad, the 53 year old Clooney has simply joined such late bloomers as Warren Beatty and possibly someday Derek Jeter. It was his time, and he went with grace and a smile.

The guest list included Bono, Ellen Barkin, Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, Bill Murray, Sandra Bullock, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Julia Roberts. My invitation must have been lost in the mail.

Hopes were up for the gentler sex when Clooney divorced his first wife Talia Balsam after four years of wedlock in 1993. This is the first marriage for his 36 year old bride Amal Alamuddin, and, according to those who attended the nuptials, it doesn’t look good for the rest of the female population.

Mr. Clooney has long been labeled ‘Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor.’ Who will take his crown? There’s not a long list. It appears that the men of ‘tinsel town’ prefer marriage to the single life.

However, there are such young studs as Zac Efron, and Bradley Cooper. And don’t forget about Leonardo DiCaprio; he’s still running free.

Okay, so Clooney’s handsome, intelligent, extremely wealthy and works for causes benefitting humanity; there must be thousands of more like him. Just keep looking, Mr. Perfect may walk up to you tomorrow and introduce himself. Here are a few Hollywood bachelors who are still available: If you like spoiled brats, Justin Bieber is available: Andy Dick remains on the market. Of course you may have questions about his sexual prowess, but he’s available: Chris Brown only has one stipulation; you must not be offended if he physically abuses you: Charlie Sheen is available, but you have to agree to share him with hookers: Here’s a bonus; Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael is single and looking. You must be willing to accept the fact that he will most likely father a child by another woman if you are married to him: Wilmer Valderamma, former star of ‘That 70’s Show,’ may be a scumbag, but he’s good looking and available. On a Howard Stern show he rated his ex-girlfriends. He rated Jennifer Love Hewitt an eight in bed; fantasized about Lindsay Lohan’s breasts, and claimed he took Mandy Moore’s virginity. All of which denied his claims; but he is available.

So Ladies, they are out there if you’re willing to prostitute yourselves. The old saying, ‘a good man is hard to find’ is most likely a truism.

We all wish the best for George and Amal. Rich or poor, relationships are never easy. I do believe that love conquers all, but true love is hard to find. I have mine, and I pray that you have yours.

James Turnage

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